Phil's Epic Search For His Missing Taste Buds
by StarlitWave10
Summary: Phil Lester goes on a search to see if he will ever love eating cheese again...does he find what he is looking for?


Phil's Epic Search For His Missing Taste Buds

Phil Lester did not like cheese. He himself did not know why, but was content with this lack of knowledge until he met Dan Howell. Now Dan, even with his annoying habits, was a good friend, and always had the best intentions for his friend. That was why, one gloomy, fall evening in London, he told Phil to go and search for his missing taste buds.

Phil gave him a strange look, the one that people usually gave _him_ when he said he didn't like cheese, and said nothing. But Dan pestered him, going so far as to shake his friend's shoulders rapidly.

"Alright, alright, I'll go…look for my taste buds." Phil finally told him. Why Dan was insistent that he leave, Phil will never know. What he didn't know was that Dan was sneaking cheese into the flat and his room had begun to stink from all the cheese that he'd hidden behind the tables and his bed. He was afraid of Phil finding out, so he needed to get his friend out of the flat for a while so he could clean up and hopefully he'd be able to keep cheese in the fridge once Phil returned.

Phil's journey began with him renting a motorbike the next day. Phil had always had a secret dream of being able to own and ride a motorbike, and although renting it didn't mean he owned it, the beautiful piece of machinery would be his for at least a week. Because how long can it possibly take to find your taste buds?

Phil bought a sleek black motorbike with a white seat, white handlebars, and white wheels. He named it Doreen in his mind. He took it out onto the road and took a deep breath of the fresh London air. Phil closed his eyes for only a moment, savoring the feeling of zipping through the air and the refreshing wind on his face. Phil felt a strange tugging sensation on his body, but thought nothing of it, until he opened his eyes a moment later. He instantly hit the brakes on the bike, and stared at his surroundings for a good minute. His mouth wasn't able to close at all during that time.

The grass was blue, for one thing. There were no buildings in sight, and the feisty wind had vanished. The sun was shining brightly, except it was bright neon green. The sky was a dainty shade of violet, and the leaves on the surrounding trees were pink. The trunks were yellow, a bright lemony shade. Phil was strangely reminded of the Earl of Lemongrab from Adventure Time. _Now's not the time to be thinking about TV shows, Phil, _he berated himself, yet he found he was in no hurry to go home. This place was beautiful, in its own strange way, and he found the lack of movement rather peaceful.

"Enjoying yourself?" Phil nearly jumped out of his seat when he heard the feminine voice.

"'Scuse me? Is anyone there?" He asked tentatively.

"Nope, just me, sweetheart. I'm your guardian to help you find your taste buds." Phil looked down at his motorbike, for that was where the voice seemed to be coming from. He got off and walked around to the front, falling flat on his butt when he saw two eyes staring back at him.

"Oh come on, I'm not that bad to look at." There was a mouth under the eyes, with large, red lips. The eyes were a deep blue, the color of the ocean. But there was no nose…or any other features, for that matter.

"Wha…huh?" Phil's mouth couldn't close, nor could it form words this time, so all he ended up doing was staring at the motorbike's mouth and eyes, respectively.

"What? Never seen a talking motorbike before?" Based on Phil's lack of response, the motorbike guessed he hadn't. "Ah well, no time to waste on chit-chat. Get on, we've got a day to find your taste buds and then you're going home."

Phil finally regained control of his tongue. "What? You're a talking motorbike. I'm in…where am I, exactly?"

"Get on. I can explain on the way." Phil raised an eyebrow, but got on the motorbike, more curious than afraid.

"Well, how shall I start…You needed your taste buds, so…here I am. Did you really think it was an accident that you bought me in that shop?" Phil kept his hands on the handlebars and his eyes on the road that continuously changed colors. One second it was purple, the next turquoise, the next red.

"By the way, you can call me Maisie. I don't want you going about calling me something silly like…oh, I don't know. Like Doreen, perhaps. Such a silly name, don't you think?"

"Oh yes, hilarious." Phil felt a little silly himself answering a motorbike's questions, but then again, this entire place seemed silly.

"Right, glad we've got that settled. This place is where all the lost things go…there's Dan's pencil collection, for example." Phil looked to his left to see a small hill of pencils that increased right before his eyes.

"Oh dear, looks like Dan's cleaning again…I do hope he doesn't lose anymore socks, this place is beginning to smell like his feet." Phil let out a laugh before feeling guilty, but began snickering again after they passed by a large mountain of Dan's multicolored socks.

"So, my lost taste buds...are somewhere in this strange world." He said, still a bit dubious that he was going to be able to find a part of his body in this admittedly colorful world.

"Yes, Philip. That's exactly right. And I believe your specific taste buds…are on top of that mountain in front of us." Indeed, they were driving towards a mountain that was yellow…and that color looked suspiciously like the color of cheese.

"Ah, yes, of course. They are on Cheese Mountain, hope you don't mind. You may have to, em…eat your way through to find them."

Phil grimaced and gulped, but tightened his grip on the handlebars. "Let's do this." He said, leaning forward in his seat. A pair of sunglasses magically appeared on his face, giving him the appearance of James Bond. In addition, he was now wearing a suit rather than the jeans and white t-shirt he had arrived to this place in. The only things missing were a martini and a gun in his jacket.

The motorbike laughed, although it sounded more like an engine revving. "Now that's what I like to hear. Hold on, sweetheart." Maisie sped off at full speed, and with every second Phil could sense the smell of cheese in the air getting stronger and stronger. His stomach jumped around as if it was on a trampoline.

At last, they reached the base of Cheese Mountain. Phil looked up and gulped, hesitant to get off the motorbike.

"Sorry, sweetheart, I can't go on. But I'll be waiting right here for you."

"Um…okay, Maisie. Here I go."

He lifted one leg off the motorbike, and then the other one. The ground felt strangely spongy under his feet, and for a moment Phil felt as though he was going to vomit.

"Okay…here I go." With one last deep breath of air, he advanced toward the enormous mountain of cheese. Unsure of how he was going to recognize his taste buds, he began sticking his fingers into the soft mountain and crawling up like a spider. It was easy to make footholds and handholds because the cheese was easy to mold, yet disgustingly warm. Funnily enough, it smelled like Dan's room…

Phil pushed on, but whenever he looked to his left or right all he saw was a smooth yellow color. It was as if he was the first one to ever climb this mountain, but when he looked down he saw that his footholds and handholds were disappearing.

_How am I gonna get down now? _He thought, panicking for a moment, with sweat appearing on his brow and slithering down his face. He wiped it away with his sleeve and took the sunglasses off. To Phil, the sky looked more menacingly purple, a bit like the color of Lumpy Space Princess's body. He shook his head and continued his climb. But the top seemed to be retreating further and further into the sky. After what seemed like hours of climbing, Phil reached a ledge on the edge of a cave. He felt as though he was going to plunge through the cheese and be mummified inside this dairy substance for the rest of his life. This time, when he took a deep breath with closed eyes, it smelled strangely…nice. Comforting, like this was the kind of food you'd be served on Christmas. His eyes jerked open when he realized that he was actually _enjoying_ the smell of cheese. And not pizza, just pure cheese, all around him. Curious, Phil dug his hand into the wall and pulled out a piece as big as his hand would hold.

"Well…hakuna matata." _You really do need to stop with the movie references, Phil. _Ignoring the little voice in his head, Phil closed his eyes once more and brought the hunk of cheese to his mouth slowly, partially dreading and partially looking forward to having the taste dance on his tongue. His lips parted. He took a bite, so small he could barely taste the food. Frustrated, he bit off a larger piece, and nearly gagged at the intense flavor. Phil spit out the yellow food, wiping his tongue with his free hand. He grabbed at a different spot with the other to keep his balance, and promptly fell over. Phil barely had time to gasp before the wall through which he had fallen sealed up, and he found himself in a wooden chamber. There were lit candles attached all around the circular chamber. The design on the floor looked strangely familiar to Phil, and as he walked around in a circle, the realization of what the picture was showing hit him in the face. It was his face, though much enlarged, eating what looked to be a block of cheese and enjoying it.

"But I already tried that!" He cried to the empty walls. "Ugh, I knew this was a stupid idea. I don't even know how Dan convinced me into going for it…" His muttering grew softer as he walked around the floor, kicking the ground as he wandered about.

All of a sudden, a dazzling light slapped Phil in the face and he scrambled to free his sunglasses from the inner pockets of his jacket. As he got them on, he saw what looked to be a jar full of cheese emerging from…somewhere…and there was a bright glow all around it. Phil half expected a choir to begin singing holy hallelujahs as he reached for the jar.

He hesitated to open the jar. "But what if I don't like it?" He asked the chamber. No one answered him. The light had vanished.

He shrugged. "Oh well, here goes nothing." Phil unscrewed the jar with his tongue sticking out of his mouth. As he lifted the piece of cheese out of the jar, the light appeared again, dazzling in all of its glory. Phil closed his eyes, ready to savor the taste. He brought the cheese to his mouth and-

"Phil!" The young man in question jerked awake, his hand inches away from his mouth.

"Huh, what…Dan, what's going on?" He yawned.

"Dude, you fell asleep on the couch a few hours ago and just now you looked as though you were gonna bite your hand off. What were you dreaming about, chocolate?"

Phil looked puzzled for a moment. "No…I was actually dreaming about…cheese, strangely enough." Dan gave his friend a quizzical look before leaving the room. Phil blinked a few times, but then suddenly remembered Maisie. He'd never been able to go back for her. He rushed to the window to see if the portal or whatever it had been that'd taken him to the strange world was still there. But the parking lot below didn't have a single motorbike in it.

Phil sighed and decided to go to the kitchen. Hopefully they had some chocolate in the fridge. But as he was leaving, a strange yellow thing caught his eye. He checked behind the computer to find the exact same hunk of cheese as had been in his dream, along with a piece of paper. The scrawled words read:

Dear Phil,

I am sorry you had to leave on such short notice. We will meet again, I promise, in due time. Enjoy your cheese!

Much love,

Maisie.

Phil didn't stop to ponder how a motorbike had been able to construct such a note. Instead, he popped the piece of cheese in his mouth. But did he in fact enjoy it? I am afraid even I do not know, despite being the extremely smart motorbike that I am. I did encounter Phil Lester once again, but that is another story for another time. Goodbye, my dears, and I do hope all of your lost things will come back to you. Who knows, you may get to travel to that Enchanted World of Lost Things someday. Perhaps I will see you there…


End file.
